Moments
by mjtomlinson
Summary: Louis Tomlinson and a girl named Elizabeth were in love. Until Louis became famous. One Direction fanfic. Includes Harry, Liam, Niall, and Zayn. Rated M for sexual content and self-harm.
1. Chapter 1

Your last words to me replayed in my head. Over and over, like a broken record I couldn't get to stop. "You'll move on," you told me, "soon enough you won't care." I half-smiled to myself. You were so wrong. Singing was always important to you, I get that. But for the last 4 months so many questions ran through my mind. Why did living your dream mean getting rid of me? Didn't you love me? Didn't you care about me? Was every word that fell from your lips a lie? All you left me with was broken promises.

I shake the everyday thoughts from my head and gather my books from the table. Don't cry. Not here, not in a public place. Each book is quickly shoved into my bag. Then I speed walk to the bathroom and swing the door open, locking it behind me.

"Hello?"

No answer.

"Is anyone in here?"

Empty. Just like me. I check under each stall, just in case, and then I walk into the last one to the right. I fumble with my bag, searching for my savior. I pull out the plastic case and slide down wall. Nobody. I have nobody. Tears flood down my face as I struggle to open the case. I flip it over, holding the razor blade in the palm of my hand. The pain's almost gone, Elizabeth. Almost. I pull my sleeve up with my teeth, and hold the razor between my thumb and index finger. My vision is blurred, but I want to see the blood pour from my arm. I want to watch the life drain out of me. I hold back anymore tears, and drag the blade slowly along my arm. Unsatisfied, I repeat this action, but faster. This is it, Louis. They're going to find my body in here. A public library's restroom. They'll see what you're really like. Your fans will see what you did to me. I wish you could hear my thoughts. No. I wish you could feel my pain.

I drop the razor and clasp my hand over my arm. No matter how badly I want to escape this life, I know I'm too afraid to kill myself. The thought crosses my mind every day. But I can't do it. Especially not here. What if a little girl finds me? I shudder at the thought of scarring her for the rest of her life. Why do I feel bad though? I'll have these scars for the rest of my life. Thanks to you, Louis.

I stand up, feeling a bit woozy, and walk to the sink. I rinse off my arm, wincing at the pain. I hate you, Louis. I wrap a bandage around my arm and pull my sleeve back over it. I hate you so much. With my good arm, I pick up my bag and glance into the mirror. I quickly wipe my eyes and try to escape the room, but the thought overwhelms me before I can. The images take over all my thoughts.

**6 Months Ago**

"No, Louis!" I giggled, "we'll get caught."

Louis smirked and grabbed my hand. "Come on, Elizabeth. It'll be fun." He looks around and then leads me into the woman's restroom.

"We can't do this in a library," I begin, but he interrupts me like always.

"We're not in a library. We're in a library's bathroom." Louis smiles and locks the door behind us.

He wraps his hands around my waist, and kisses me. Feeling his entire body against mine drives me insane and I tangle my tongue with his, wanting more. He senses it; he always does, and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist. Fuck me, Louis. Oh God, _please._ His lips move to my neck and I moan softly, running my fingers through his hair. He slips his hand up my shirt, gently grazing the bottom of my breast. I now feel how wet I actually am.

"Louis," I begin

"Hmmm?"

"I…I need you."

**Present Day**

I pull myself from the thoughts, but it's too late. My eyes are full of tears. Everywhere I go in this pathetic town has a memory with him. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and open the door.


	2. Chapter 2

I try my best to push every thought away from my mind as I drive home. Stupid, Louis. You ruined everything. You ruined me. You ruined my future. I gave up everything for you. Now I'm stuck at home with my stupid parents while you're out living your stupid dream. I shake my head from the thoughts, trying to concentrate on the road. Suddenly, I hear my cell phone buzz. The traffic light I'm approaching turns red and I glance down at my phone.

Liam: Hey love, how are u? Hope everything is well. We miss u. xx

Liam, Liam, Liam. The sweetest boy I've ever met. Even after Louis dumped me, he stayed in contact with me. He wasn't the type of person to ditch someone at their lowest. He was like a brother to me, a protective one. I know for a fact that if I had been dating any guy who wasn't part of their band, he would have beat the shit out of them for hurting me the way Louis did. But considering the situation, there wasn't much Liam could do. If he turned against Louis, the whole band would be at stake. So this is where we are now. He secretly sends me text messages, and acts as if I believe anyone but him misses me.

Me: I'm good, great even. I miss you as well.

Most of me felt sorry for lying to Liam. He really did want me to be happy, and letting him know otherwise would hurt him. If I ever hurt that boy I would hate myself even more than I do right now. The obnoxious beeping coming from surrounding cars reminds me where I am. I focus my eyes back to the road, but I'm still overwhelmed with thoughts. Every time I think of Liam, or Louis, or any of the boys, my heart breaks all over again. The awkward hug at my door, the airport. I just want to go back in time and beg Louis to stay with me. What did I do wrong? Could I have prevented him from falling out of love with me? Or were my friends right? Maybe Louis is just an ass. Maybe I never noticed before because I was too infatuated by him. Or maybe there's something wrong with me. That's probably it. My phone buzzed once again, which I found odd considering the fact that Liam was way too busy to ever text back so quickly.

Liam: Lou talks about u still. I shouldn't be telling but I miss u together. Pls visit soon. U know u can whenever u find time.

My eyes shifted back to the road as the thoughts began. You would think after constant excuses Liam would give up on ever seeing me again. But I know he never will. He's never going to give up on me. Thinking about him is the only thing that's stopped me from ending my life completely. I'm scared of what it would do to that boy. There's nothing romantic between me and Liam, never was. We just understood each other, I suppose. I think God messed up when he didn't make us siblings because everyone thought we were.

I pulled into my driveway and stared at the message, unsure of what to reply with this time. Too busy with school? Yeah for now, but finals were this week. Maybe I could use the finals excuse for now, and then tell him I'm too ill. Guilt entered my entire body, and my heart literally ached. I can't keep doing this to Liam, it's not fair. Lying to him isn't right and I know it. I miss him. I miss Louis. I miss Harry, Niall, and Zayn. I miss my boys. But Louis' face will break me. That'll be it. I'll have to drive myself off a cliff or something because the pain will be unbearable. The tears filled my eyes and my lack of sleep caused them to sting. My head fell to the steering wheel. Breathe, Elizabeth. Just breathe. Maybe seeing Liam will cheer me up. Maybe he's what I need right now. I bit on my lower lip and stared down at my phone. My fingers shook as I typed.

Me: Finals are this week, can I come after? Last day is Thurs.

I watched the tiny circle in the corner of my phone spin as the message sent. No going back now. There's no way to back out of this without losing Liam for good. That would be my breaking point. I raised my head and opened the car door. A week from now I'll be in the presence of Louis. Maybe he'll be a coward and avoid me. Maybe go on dates with some random girl or something. That's the type of guy he was now. The all too familiar buzz made another appearance as I exited my car.

Liam: U mean it? I'll get everything set up, so excited! Busy now, call u tn. Xx

I smiled to myself, knowing that I just made Liam the happiest boy alive. At least I'm good for one thing.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The story will be updated each time a review is left. 1 review = 1 new chapter. Feedback is appreciated. Hope you're enjoying this.


	3. Chapter 3

After a 3 hour nap, I felt refreshed. Sleeping made all the pain exit my body. I needed an escape more than ever. I then thought of being with Liam a week from now. It made me feel safe. Maybe he'll protect me from myself. With him around, there will be no privacy to harm myself. I slowly lifted my shirt off and threw it across the room. My fingers gently grazed over each scar. I would have to wear long sleeve shirts this whole trip, no doubt about it. Next, I rolled up my pant leg. More scars to hide. These will be easier because who will be seeing my legs? Unless the boys wish to go for a swim, but I can easily think of an excuse as to why I can't join them.

The suitcase in front of me was nearly full, sweaters and sweatpants making reoccurring appearances. I had nobody to impress. Then a crushing thought came over me. I dumped the contents of my suitcase onto my bed and walked over to my closet. I was going to make Louis miss me. I had to be somewhat attractive to him considering the fact that he spent so much time on me. I grabbed several shirts and every dress I own. My scars could easily be hidden on my arms by bracelets, and my legs can be blamed on shaving. Louis Tomlinson was going to want me back. Unfortunately for him, he would never have me again.

I repacked my suitcase when I heard my cell begin humming. I reached for it, noticing Liam's face filling the screen. I smiled to myself and answered.

"Hello?"

"Elizabeth," he began, "Are you busy?"

"Of course not, just packing."

"I'm really excited to see you," I could hear the smile in his voice, "your visit may have slipped to the lads."

"How mad at you are they?" I sighed.

He laughed softly, "They are anything but mad. They seem pumped, especially Niall."

Since Niall and Liam were always so close, Niall and I had developed a friendship as well. Nowhere close to as strong as Liam and I's, but I trusted him which was rare.

"And Louis?" I realized that was the first time I said his name in over a month. I'd pay for that later.

"He seems…" he paused.

Great, I thought. Pissed? Probably. Maybe even embarrassed because he ever had a thing with me, and now it's almost like I was following him. He probably thought of me as pathetic.

"Nervous," Liam continued. "Really, very, nervous."

"Don't lie to me, Lima." I grinned as the nickname escaped my lips. My little Lima Bean.

"Would I lie to you, Liz?" he chuckled and I groaned in response. He knew how much I hated being called Liz.

"Very funny, Lima Bean. I'm dying of laughter."

His laugh made me smile ear to ear.

"I have to get going, but I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Love you."

"Love you too, Liam. I can't wait to see you. Tell the boys the same."

"Will do."

I smiled and clicked end.

For the first time in weeks, I felt happy. Maybe it was Liam's voice, or maybe it was talking to an actual human being. I decided this trip was a good decision.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the short chapter, but I wanted to update ASAP. Thank you so much for the sweet reviews! Love you all. xx


	4. Chapter 4

The week of finals went by quickly. While waiting for the boys at the airport, I tugged on my sweater sleeve. The last time I cut was three days ago and the wound still looked brand new. A memory suddenly overpowered my mind.

**5 Months Ago**

There were no words to describe how excited I was to see Louis. It had been 2 weeks and I missed him more than anything. His icy eyes, his warm arms wrapped around me as I slept, his cheeky smile. The moment my eyes caught his, I began running. I jumped into his arms and felt my eyes sting with tears of happiness, of course. I rested my hand on his cheek as my lips found his. His tongue traced my lips and I pulled away slowly before things went too far. I mean, we were in public for God's sake. I rested my forehead against his and felt pure bliss enter my entire body. He always had a way of making me feel like this.

"I've missed you so much, baby girl."

His words made my heart beat fast. I don't think he'll ever understand the effect he has on me. He could make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world his eyes even notice.

"I've missed you so much more." I kissed his cheek softly and he gently set me down. His fingers intertwined with mine as I looked past him.

**Present Day**

"Elizabeth!"

I looked up to see Liam speed walking towards me, the boys following close behind. My eyes shifted to Louis, but he wasn't even looking at me. I look that bad. I looked back to Liam and smiled. Without thinking, I began running. Liam's strong arms wrapped around me, and I lost the ground beneath my feet. For the first time in a long time, I actually giggled. Liam chucked and gently set me down.

"I'm so happy you're here," he smiled and kisses my cheek.

"I'm happy to be here," I grinned and looked past him. "Hello boys."

This scene was all too familiar to me. Niall was next to attack me. His arms snaked around me and he whispered in my ear, "We're going to eat a lot." Those six words made me laugh uncontrollably.

I said my hellos with the rest of the boys, apart from Louis, and we all rode in a van to the hotel they were currently staying at. I sat in the second row of the vehicle, and noticed Lou decided to sit the furthest away from me he could be. No surprise there. So that's how it was going to be. We'd just avoid each other this whole time. Act like the other doesn't even exist. Fine. I can deal with that.

The fact that I could hear Louis and Harry whispering to each other, then laughing, pissed me off like no other. Probably talking about me, I suspected. As much as it upset me, I understood why Harry seemed to be avoiding me as well. Louis was his best mate; he had to be on his side. It just confused me because none of the other boys seemed to be on any side.

"So Elizabeth," Zayn began.

I looked up at him and noticed his crooked smile. Zayn was really sweet when he wanted to be, but he was also pretty self-centered. When Louis dumped me, instead of being in shock like the rest of the boys, he complained about how they were running late. Typical Zayn. But someone had to be responsible, I suppose.

"What have you been up to?" he finished.

"Hm," I thought. "Not much. Studying has consumed a lot of my life. I haven't been doing anything half as exciting as you boys have."

"It'd be more exciting if you were with us." I glanced over at Niall, grinning.

The car came to an abrupt halt and I looked out the window. I had never seen a more glamorous looking hotel, and we hadn't even entered it yet. Liam opened the van door and stepped out, holding his hand out for me. I grabbed his hand and walked out, captivated by my surroundings. I'd been fancy places with them before, but their career really blew up in the past few months. Maybe that's why Louis decided to get rid of me.

Everyone followed Liam and I out of the car and into the hotel. The inside was even more glamorous. I couldn't even imagine the room I was going to be staying in for the next week.

"All of our rooms are connected, is that okay? That's just how we usually do it, but if you want your own we completely understand."

"I don't mind, Liam." I replied. I didn't really understand why he thought I would.

Harry walked up behind me and whispered, "I'm sorry," but when I turned around he wasn't there anymore. My eyes searched the room until they finally stopped at the door where Louis was just walking in, and Harry was approaching him. I've never been so confused in my entire life.


	5. Chapter 5

The elevator ride to our room was… awkward. Being so close to Louis? Awkward. Nobody talking? Awkward. Just all around… well… awkward.

When we got off the elevator, I was in complete awe. It was more like an apartment than a hotel. There was a kitchen and a large room with couches and a 72 inch television on the wall. Scattered around the room were six doors. Four of them were bedrooms, and two led outside to an in ground pool and balcony. Since this was the only place on the entire floor, the only way to leave was by the elevator. Liam showed me to the room I'd be staying in and I began unpacking.

"So what do you think?" he asked

I looked up at him. "I think…wow. This place is like nowhere I've ever been. You guys have really proved yourself these past couple of months. It's hard to believe two years ago nobody even knew your names." I bit my bottom lip. "I'm really proud of you."

Liam grinned and wrapped his arms around my tightly. "Aww, Elizabeth," he began. "Thanks, love."

I laughed and playfully pushed him off of me. "Oh, shut up." He grinned and started helping me move my clothes into the empty dresser.

After about 15 minutes, we finished and Liam allowed me some much needed alone time. I plugged in my iHome and began searching for an outfit to change into. Just Like a Pill by Pink came on shuffle, and I quietly sang along.

_I'm lying here on the floor where you left me. I think I took too much. I'm crying here, what have you done? I thought it would be fun._

"Elizabeth? Can we talk?" I jumped at the sound of Harry's voice and heard the door shut behind him.

I quickly turned my music down and looked at him. "What?" I replied, but it came out ruder than I had anticipated.

"I just… I think we need to talk."

"About what?" I had a short temper, and I think Harry knew it more than anybody.

"What do you think? You know I love you. You've been like a sister to me since the day I met you. But Louis…" Harry looked down.

"You don't have to be sorry," I shrugged. "He's your best friend. I understand. He doesn't want me, so you don't want me. It makes perfect sense. We don't have to talk about anything." He shook his head as I spoke.

"You just don't understand."

I laughed softly. "I don't understand? I don't understand what. There's nothing to understand. Lou realized he could do better. He has girls all over him all th-"

"Stop it. Just stop." Harry interrupted and sat on the bed in the center of the room.

"Get out."

He looked up at me with this stupid look of shock on his face.

"Get out," I repeated, but louder this time.

Harry slowly rose from the bed and exited the room.

Idiot. He always thinks he knows everything.

_You're just like a pill. Instead of making me better, you keep making me ill._

The song ended and I threw a tight black dress from the closet onto my temporary bed. I wore this dress last year for Louis and I's anniversary. I knew he admired it, which means he won't be able to resist me at dinner. As sick as it was, I smiled at the thought of him hurting.

I undressed from my sweats and slipped the dress on. I grabbed my make-up bag and sat at the vanity. As I put on my make-up, I thought of how nasty I was to Harry. It wasn't his fault that Louis is a dick. But you know what? He shouldn't be getting into our business and acting like he's so smart about everything when he's clearly not.

I took my hair out from the ponytail it had been in all day, knowing Louis loved messy hair. I quickly slid bracelets onto my wrists, covering up each scar, and stepped into my high heels. I briefly admired myself in the mirror. I loved the way this dress hugged my curves that I usually worked hard on disguising.

Get ready to miss me, asshole.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry drove Liam, Niall, Zayn, and I to the restaurant. Louis decided he didn't feel well enough, and said he'd meet up with us later. Hah.

When we arrived, Niall held the door open for me and when I walked in, I was once again in astonishment. This was, hands down, the best restaurant I have ever been to. I felt out of place, but Liam noticed and quickly held my hand. He always knew how to comfort me.

Zayn said something to the hostess, and she showed us to her table. I sat sandwiched between Niall and Liam. After ordering drinks, Liam and I had small talk. But we were rudely interrupted by Harry.

"Can we just talk about Lou for once? And stop acting like he's nothing."

I rolled my eyes and looked to Niall.

"What is there to say about him?" he asked.

"Do you think this is fun for him? Being with her?" He nodded to me. It made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

"Elizabeth isn't a problem," Liam began. "Stop making her out to be one."

I grabbed my purse and climbed over Liam's lap.

"Good job, Harry. Don't go, Liz." My eyes shot over to Zayn. He would call me that.

"I just need to go to the lady's room," I replied.

My feet couldn't get me to the restroom quick enough. I stumbled in and looked under each stall. Even though the restaurant was crowded, it was completely vacant in here. My hand dug into my purse, searching for that glorious plastic case. I couldn't stop the shaking in my hand. So many things were going through my mind, but the main was how I had become a burden to the boys. I never thought this would happen.

I hiked up my dress and ran the razor along my upper thigh, watching blood drain out of me. I dragged it across my thigh a couple more times, and then pressed my hand down on the gashes. I bit down on my lip and looked at the ceiling. I want to go home. I want to die. I want to be anywhere but here. I want to be a million miles away from everyone sitting at that table.

After the bleeding stopped, I tugged my dress down back in place and washed my hands. I wish there was some way to escape from all of them. More than anything. I slung my purse over my shoulder and walked out of the restroom.

When I returned to the table, Louis was sitting beside Harry. Lovely. Fucking fantastic.

"Welcome back," Liam smiled. "Everything alright?"

I nodded and returned to my place between him and Niall. Feeling out of place, I focused on the glass of water in front of me. I watched each drop of water slide down and land on the coaster. The waitress finally returned and we all ordered our entrees. After she left, Niall attempted to make small talk with me, but I gave him short answers because I really wasn't in the mood for talking. I tried to only tune into Louis' voice, wondering what he was thinking of at this very moment. I speculated whether or not he liked my outfit.

"He's frustrated," Liam tugged on the bottom of my dress. "By this." Liam continued whispering in my ear, "You knew he liked it, didn't you?"

I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my lips. I nodded in reply, and Liam chucked softly.

"Of course you did."

We all ate our meals and piled back into the car. This dinner was nothing I had hoped for. When we returned to the hotel, I immediately went into my room. I removed my makeup and jewelry and changed into pajamas. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget today even happened. The second I laid down, I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in."

Liam sat on the edge of my bed and I sat up.

"Are you okay? You were really quiet at dinner."

I nodded, "I'm fine, Liam."

"Alright." He wrapped his arms around me and I returned the hug.

"Goodnight, Elizabeth." He pulled away and I saw his smile quickly turn into a frown, and his eyebrows furrowed. I looked at him, confused.

"Elizabeth…" he began. His finger slowly grazed over one of my cuts.

I pulled away quickly and could feel my skin burning.

"Goodnight." I pulled the blanket over me, and Liam shook his head. He looked as if he was about to cry.

"No, Elizabeth. No."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"It's nothing, Liam. I just got scratched by a friend's cat and the-," He began shaking his head before I could even finish telling my lie.

"Don't lie to me, please. Lie to anyone you want, but not me."

Tears started forming in my eyes and I put my face in my hands.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, "I just missed him so much. I-I… I didn't know what to do. God, I'm sorry."

"You did this because of Louis." It seemed like a question, but it came out more like an answer. Liam sounded as if he was yelling now. "Fucking Louis."

He stood up and nearly ran out of the room, and I quickly followed. Liam swung open the door to the room that Louis and Harry were sharing. They were both sitting on a bed, and they looked up at Liam.

"What th-" Before Louis could finish, Liam's fist collided with his face.


	7. Chapter 7

I didn't even know what to say. I mean, how are you supposed to respond to your best friend punching his band member, and your ex, in the face? So I did what I think anybody would do. I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Stop," I yelled, "Please, Liam. Please stop."

Harry tried pulling Liam away as Niall and Zayn walked in.

"What the fuck is going on?" Zayn yelled.

Niall wrapped his arms around me and led us out of the room.

"Make him stop, Niall," I begged. "Make Liam stop."

My voice sounded so small and shaky, I barely recognized myself.

Niall ran his fingers through my hair and began humming to me. He actually did a pretty well job calming me down. I felt safe, and I quickly dozed off.

**Louis' POV:**

I sat in bed with Harry, talking about tonight's events. Elizabeth was the main topic.

"She looked amazing tonight." Harry nodded in agreement.

"It sucks," I continued. "Missing her like this. I just want to hold her in my arms."

Harry rested his hand on my shoulder and sighed.

"You did what you thought was best, Lou. You'll be okay."

Before I could disagree, Liam came charging in, and I noticed Elizabeth close behind.

He looked angry, and I heard Harry begin to say something before he punched me right in the face. Next, I heard Elizabeth's scream. More than anything in the world, I wanted to run over to her and kiss her and just tell her everything was going to be okay. I love you, Elizabeth. Please hear my thoughts. I love you, baby girl.

Liam's fist collided with me once again, this time in the gut. I could tell Harry was trying to stop him, but I really didn't want him to. I deserved this. For whatever reason he was doing this, I deserved it.

I watched Zayn pull Liam out of the room, and Harry kneeled beside me since I was now laying on the floor.

"Are you okay?" Harry sounded concerned, and I didn't want to upset him so I lied.

"I'm fine. He didn't really hit me that hard." I slowly stood up and pulled my shirt off. It was covered in blood. Funny. I hadn't even realized Liam gave me a bloody nose.

Harry led me over to the armoire and handed me a clean shirt.

"Thanks," I half-smiled and put it on.

"Let's go see what that was all about."

We walked out of the room, into the sitting area, and I sat on an empty couch. Liam seemed a lot more tranquilized, but he still looked pissed off at me.

"I hope you're happy," he growled.

I noticed Elizabeth in Niall's arms on the couch opposite of the one Harry and I sat at. Jealousy ran through my entire body. I should be holding her in my arms.

I fake smiled at Liam and replied sarcastically, "I am ecstatic."

Niall glared at me. As long as I've known him, I had never really seen him angry before. Until now.

"This isn't something to joke about, Lou." Niall was running his fingers through _my _girl's hair. As soon as I noticed, his hands moved to her wrists.

"Elizabeth has been harming herself. All thanks to you," Liam began. "You never even fucking deserved her, you piece of shit. And now you've ruined her."

I bit on my bottom lip and stood up, walking towards Niall. I kneeled beside him and gently glided my fingers along Elizabeth's wrist.

Sure enough, there were scars. Some more prominent than others, but there were so many scars. My mind began racing. I pictured her doing this to herself in my mind. I imagined her crying while doing it, cursing my name. I felt sick to my stomach.

The only word my lips could mouth was "no". I shook my head in disgust at myself, and I noticed Niall slowly pulling her dress up.

"What are you doing? Stop it." I slapped the top of his hand. What did he think he was doing?

"They're not just on her wrist, Louis. They're on her thighs too. And God knows where else."

"Who knows how long she's been doing it for. And what else she's been doing." Zayn never seemed to care much about Elizabeth, but right now he appeared anxious.

"This is my fault." It wasn't a question. Just simply a statement. I didn't need anyone's input. I knew it was me to blame.

"No," Harry began. "You were only doing what you thought was right, Lou. You were trying to protect her, remember?"

I hate myself.

"Don't give me that shit, Harry."

"He's right," Liam's voice was quiet. "You missed her. You felt alone, empty even. You just didn't want her feeling that way. You broke up with her to save her."

"If you think that, what's your reason for beating the shit out of me?" My voice was getting louder, "Why is Niall giving me a look of disgust?"

"I was pissed, Louis. You know she's like my little sister. I needed someone to blame."

"Well, maybe I am to blame." I was certain everyone in the entire building could hear me now.

My eyes shifted to Elizabeth. I took in every inch of her face, her breathtaking beauty. Just before I was going to look away, her lips twitched.

"Louis," she whispered. Her hands began searching the couch and after she stopped, she whimpered.

Niall looked down, confused, and my heart…Well, it nearly jumped out of my chest.


	8. Chapter 8

**Elizabeth's POV:**

When I woke up, I felt utterly confused. My thoughts were drowned out by the sound of Louis' voice, and I just wanted…no. I needed him to hold me in his arms.

"Louis," his name fell out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I felt all over the couch, feeling for him. I could tell by the intensity of his voice that he was near.

I slowly fluttered my eyes open and looked up at Niall.

"Where's Louis?" I asked quietly.

Within seconds, Louis' warm hand met mine. I closed my eyes and squeezed his hand tightly. I didn't want him to ever leave me side again.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I had no idea. I love you."

I didn't believe him, I couldn't. So I only nodded in response.

When I opened my eyes once again, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of people in the room. Sure, it was only the five boys I was closest to. But they all found out about me at once. They were all thinking the same exact thing. _Elizabeth is crazy._

"I want to go to sleep." I announced.

Louis slid his hands beneath me, and carried me to my room.

"Don't go?" I asked.

He nodded and laid down beside me.

"Just pretend to love me for tonight," I began. "You can go back to hating me tomorrow."

Louis shook his head and ran his fingers up and down my arm.

"I never hated you. I was trying to protect you."

Yeah right, I thought. I didn't want his excuses. But I also didn't want to be alone tonight, and none of the boys could make me feel like he does.

"Can we just sleep?" I requested.

Louis sighed and pulled the covers over us.

"Did you really do it because of me?"

"Goodnight, Louis." I rested my head on his chest and breathed in his scent. I didn't want this moment to ever end.

After several minutes, I heard Louis' faint snoring. Feeling his chest rise and fall, listening to him breathe, the pounding of his heart. It was all too familiar. I didn't realize how much I missed it until this very moment. I wasn't going to just let this slip away from me.

I stayed wide awake for hours until I eventually passed out. When I woke up, Lou was gone. I don't know why this was so surprising to me. I knew he didn't want me anymore. I knew we were over.

Without thinking of last night's events, I rushed to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and grabbed my precious plastic case. As pathetic as it was, this was my new boyfriend. This was my protector.

Without undressing, I stepped into the shower and sat down. I stayed still for a few minutes, letting the water soak my hair and run down my entire body. I hated being wet with clothes on, and this… this was torture. But that's what I needed right now. That's what I was looking for.

I chewed on my lower lip and let the razor touch my skin. For a brief second, I wondered how long this was going to last. How long until I was pushed to my limit. How long until this actually killed me. I ran the razor across my arm quickly. Up until now, I had always been so careful about it. Making sure I cut in specific places, and only a few times. Purposely not hitting any veins. But this time, I lost all control. I don't even know how many times I slashed my arm and legs. I just did it again and again. I couldn't hold back my screaming, and I hoped the shower would drown it out.

When I looked up, Louis was wrapping his arms around me. I looked right into his eyes for the first time in months. His icy-blue, perfect eyes. My favorite feature of his. And he looked right back into mine, but instead of feeling happiness, all I felt was guilt. His blue orbs were glazed over with tears. He was crying. Because of me. I made him cry.

"Lou," I wanted to tell him much I love him, and how sorry I am. But before another word could come out of my mouth, I felt tremendously dizzy. The entire world was spinning rapidly. My vision blurred, and then completely disappeared. I heard Louis scream my name, and then I completely blacked out.


	9. Chapter 9

I awoke in an unfamiliar room. The repetitive beeping from a nearby machine was making my head whirl.

"Elizabeth?" I've never heard Louis sound so scared before.

My eyes shifted to him. He had dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in days, and he looked like he was in pain, but angry at the same time.

I forced myself to look away.

"What happened?" I croaked.

"You passed out, Elizabeth. Lost too much blood…" Louis looked down at the ground. "Why are you doing this to me?"

I scoffed in disbelief. Why was _I_ doing this to _him_? Why was he doing this to me!

"What is that," he began. "Don't act disgusted with me, Elizabeth. You did this."

I should've listened to my friends. They were right. Louis really was an asshole.

"Get out, Louis. And do me a favor; don't ever speak to me again."

I watched him roll his eyes and then exit the room. Typical Louis.

A few minutes passed and I heard a familiar voice.

"May I come in?" Liam stood at the frame of the door.

I nodded. Maybe he was what I really needed now, not Louis.

Liam sat on the edge of the bed and I could see how upset he looked.

"I need to tell you something, okay? No interruptions. Just listen to me." His shaky hand reached out for mine. "Elizabeth, you need to realize something, alright?"

His voice sounded as if it was going to crack at any moment. He gently squeezed my hand.

"I love you, you know I do. You're like the sister I can actually protect. I can actually be a part of your life. It helps me feel less guilty about my actual sister. But you doing this to yourself, harming yourself." He shook his head and looked into my eyes. "It's killing me. It hurts so badly… knowing all along you've been in all this pain, and I had no idea. I honestly thought you were happy." He pulled his hand away and buried his face in it. "I'm so stupid."

Never in my life had I seen Liam cry in person. I've seen the X Factor clips, heard about it from Louis, but seeing it… seeing that boy with the puppy dog face cry could break anyone's heart.

I slowly sat up and ran my fingers through Liam's hair.

"Liam, it's not your fault. You were so far away. Don't feel responsible for this. Please."

He lifted his head up. His eyes were red and puffy, and I could feel mine forming tears.

"You're beautiful, Elizabeth. How do you not see? You're stronger than this, so much stronger than this."

My hand softly brushed away a tear on his cheek.

"You don't understand, Liam. You can't. But I'm trying to be happy, okay? I'll try extra hard for you. Just don't cry."

Liam shook his head and began again.

"Louis loves you." He looked up into my eyes. "He loves you so much. If he's coming off as an ass, it's only because he cares so much about you. He's beating himself up for this."

I sighed and brought my hands onto my lap.

"You don't believe me."

I didn't know what to say in response because honestly, I didn't believe him. So we just sat in silence for a few minutes. But it was a comfortable silence.

Once Liam finally walked out, I examined my arm. I had done a lot of damage. Jagged scars were all over my arm, scars that simple bracelets could not hide. I nervously pulled up my hospital gown and looked at my thighs. Not nearly as much damage, but plenty of fresh wounds.

I never really observed my destruction for this long before. It finally set in what I was doing to myself. What if I had died in the shower? Did I really want my life to end?

No. I didn't. I just wanted the pain to end. I didn't want to feel alone anymore.

I then thought of everything Liam had just said to me. Was I really ever alone? Or was I pushing everybody out of my life?

Does Liam really care about me, or does he only feel sorry for me?

More importantly, does Louis _really_ love me?


	10. Chapter 10

**Louis' POV:**

After leaving Elizabeth's room, I had a complete mental breakdown. I didn't know loving a girl could be so stressful.

As soon as I reached the boys, I began crying. I felt like the biggest wimp, but everything was building up inside of me and I couldn't help it.

Harry immediately hugged me and the others quickly joined in. I briefly thought of how lucky I was to always be surrounded by my brothers.

No one said anything, nobody needed to. They all knew what I was going through because they were going through the exact same thing.

"I have to go speak with her," Liam announced.

I pulled away from Harry, Niall, and Zayn and watched him walk away.

I desperately wanted to follow him and tell Elizabeth everything on my mind right now. Like how much I love her and how I'm going to help her through this. I have to help her. If I ever lost her, I don't know what I would do.

"Let's head back to the van?" Niall suggested.

"Yeah, we need to get out of here." Zayn agreed and I followed him to the elevator.

Truthfully, I didn't want to leave Elizabeth. I know she needs me right now. Leaving is going to make things worse, but before I can help her, I know I have to help myself. I need to reanalyze everything, think of everything that has happened in the past few days. The past few months for Elizabeth have probably been harder for her than me, which didn't seem imaginable a few days ago.

I always knew Elizabeth loved me, but I never believed she was in love with me. I met her in school before auditioning for the X Factor, before being a part of this band. She helped me through everything. If she wasn't around, I don't think I would have actually auditioned.

Once we reached the van, we sat in silence for a few moments. I shifted uncomfortably. I just wanted to be near Elizabeth.

Once Liam came back, he was quiet. I wondered what the conversation they just had was like. I wanted to know every detail, but I knew better than to ask.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, this chapter is really, really short! I'm so sorry. I've been really busy the last few days. I just found out my older sister is moving hours away from home. :/ I hope you understand! I won't be able to update on Saturday because I'm actually going to the One Direction/Big Time Rush concert. I hope you guys understand. I promise to add a lot on Sunday. Love you guys. xx


	11. Chapter 11

**Elizabeth's POV:**

None of the boys returned to that hospital, and they didn't call either. I felt beyond lonely.

I noticed my purse lying on the chair beside my bed and I picked it up. As I searched for my iPod, I noticed something was missing. My little plastic case.

I desperately tried to remember where I had left it back at the hotel.

I passed out with it in my hand, but the case should be lying on the bathroom floor somewhere. Would the boys touch it? What would they think of it?

I shook the thought from my mind and grabbed my iPod, desperately needing an escape from reality. I quickly put the headphones in my ear and searched through my music until I found the song I was looking for.

I closed my eyes and quietly sang along to Last Kiss by Taylor Swift. This song described my feelings perfectly. I felt lost, hopeless, confused. But mostly, hurt.

I heard faint talking and then felt a tap on my shoulder. As much as I hate to admit it, I was really hoping it was Louis.

But it was only a nurse checking on me. She asked if I needed anything and once I said no, she quickly left. Nobody even wanted to be around me. Not even the boys who "loved" me most.

I decided sleeping was the only thing I could do right now.

When I woke up, Louis was sitting in the chair beside me. Once we made eye contact, he smiled at me. Surprisingly, I smiled back. He had no idea how happy I was to see him.

"How are you, lovely?" He reached for my hand and I bit my lip, staring into his blue orbs.

I shrugged a little, "I'm alright."

"Tell me something?" He asked.

I only nodded in reply.

"How long?" His eyes shifted to my wrists and I took a deep breath.

My mind flashed to the day Louis broke up with me.

**4 Months Ago**

"I'm sorry," my eyes were filled with tears, "I just don't want you to go, Lou."

"What do you want me to do, Elizabeth? Quit? Give up everything I've worked so hard for?" Until this moment, Louis had never yelled at me before.

"No, of course not. Just… being so far away from you…"

"You can't handle it."

"I can, Lou," I felt the warm tears running down my face.

"No, you can't. This is my life now, Elizabeth."

I nodded and wiped my cheeks. I desperately wanted to run away before he could do it. Before he could break my heart.

"I think we should break up."

**Present Day**

"Elizabeth?" Louis was gently shaking my arm and he seemed worried.

"I felt alone. I didn't think I'd ever lose you." I looked up into his eyes and out of nowhere, got an insane amount of courage.

"I love you, Louis. I know you don't want me, but I love you so much."

For the first time in 4 months, Louis lips pressed against mine. They were warm and soft, just like I remembered them.

I didn't know if he had only kissed me out of pity, but I didn't care. I ran my fingers through his hair as he stood from the chair and climbed into bed with me.

He pulled away and pressed his forehead against mine.

"I love you, Elizabeth."

I don't know why, but I believed him. I kissed Louis' cheek softly and closed my eyes, feeling utterly content with life.


	12. Chapter 12

The next day I got released from the hospital. Louis suggested that I attend some type of group therapy, but I refused. All I needed right now was my five favorite boys.

We walked out of the hospital holding hands, and Lou led me to his car. It was the same car he'd always had, which made me smile. I always knew he'd stay grounded. He didn't need all these fancy things just because he could afford them. He bought what he needed and that was that.

Louis opened the passenger door for me and before closing it he leaned in and kissed my cheek, just like old times. I was certain if we were actually 'together' or not, but I really didn't mind it. I didn't need to be his girlfriend. I just needed him in my life. I needed my best friend.

On the ride home, I stared out the window and just thought. I admired a few things we drove by before getting caught up in my mind. I was scared of what the other boys would think of my actions. Did they think I was crazy? I could feel my face getting hot, and Louis must have noticed because he began speaking to me.

"Don't be nervous," he began. "Everything is just as you left it. Everyone feels the same about you, Elizabeth. There's nothing to worry about."

His eyes shot over to me and he smiled, and then adjusted them back to the road. I believed him. I had to. He had this way of making everyone around him feel okay. Especially me.

When we reached the hotel lobby, Liam was seated in an arm chair. As soon as we made eye contact, he grinned and stood up. I couldn't stop myself from speed-walking towards him. The last time I saw him, he looked torn apart. I desperately desired a big Liam bear hug. And that's exactly what I got.

Liam didn't say anything, and neither did I. We didn't need to. Our embrace spoke for itself. I pulled away and kissed his cheek softly.

"Thank you."

Liam grinned, "For what?"

"Saving me from myself."

I smiled and returned to Louis, who quickly intertwined his fingers with mine. He brought his lips to my ear and softly whispered, "I love you".

The three of us took the lift back up to our rooms, and I knew what I had to do next.

Zayn and Niall were still asleep, so it was the perfect time. I let go of Louis' hand and headed toward Harry's door. I knew that Lou would understand.

I knocked on it softly, only to be ignored. I waited a few moments before slowly opening the door myself.

"Harry?" He was laying on his bed, flipping through a magazine. He didn't even acknowledge my existence. I felt my stomach turn.

"Don't hate me, please." My voice sounded like I was begging, and I hated that. I seemed so pathetic.

Frustrated, I snatched the book from Harry's hands and tossed it to the side. He furrowed his eyebrows at me and then shook his head.

"I do-", Harry began speaking, but I did as well.

"I'm s-… You go first?" I suggested.

"I don't hate you, Elizabeth. You were going through a tough time, I understand that." He shrugged and swung his feet off the bed.

"I'm sorry, though. I'm really, really, massively sorry."

After a few moments, Harry smiled. Focusing on his dimples, my stomachache disappeared. This was a real Harry smile. Which meant he really forgave me.

Harry wrapped his arms around me, as did I. We listened to nothing but each other's breathing for a few moments, and I knew everything was going to return to normal soon.

"You're leaving in three days…"

I frowned a little and shrugged in reply. I didn't want to talk about leaving.

"Stay longer? A week doesn't make up for the past few months."

My smile returned when Harry spoke.

"I'll try."

After dinner, Louis and I decided we needed some alone time. We were cuddled in bed, with his strong arms wrapped around me and my head on his chest, when Lou suggested something. I giggled in return and nearly jumped out of the bed.

"Let's go!" I laughed and ran out the door, towards the lift.

Within a couple seconds, Louis was right beside me in the lift. He stood behind me with both his arms wrapped around my waist, and began kissing down my neck.

The elevator stopped at the third floor and Louis' arms quickly detached from me. He stepped to the corner and made a silly face. He then began singing to himself as soon as the lady staying on the third floor walked inside.

I knew what he was doing. He was being himself. Trying to convince this poor woman that he was insane, just for a laugh.

I bit down on my bottom lip, trying to stop myself from laughing. The lady glanced over at Louis, then made eye contact with me. I shrugged as if I had no idea who this crazy man was.

Once we reached the first floor, the women stepped out and Lou's singing stopped. He grabbed my hand and led me out of the elevator, acting as if nothing had happened.


	13. Chapter 13

When we reached the room with the indoor pool, Louis looked around for anyone working at the hotel. Surely 12 am was far past the allowed swimming hours, but this was the type of things we always did.

"Come here, love."

Louis led me towards the pool and then quickly tore his shirt off. I admired his tan and toned body a bit too long, and once my eyes met his he was smirking.

"Shut up," I laughed and pulled my shirt over my head.

Louis pulled down his joggers along with his boxer briefs. I made sure not too look over, knowing that it would give me a rush of embarrassment. I've seen Louis naked plenty of times, more than anybody can imagine. But there was something odd to me about just looking at… erm… it.

I hesitated before pulling down my sweatpants. There were visible scars all over my thighs, and I was hoping Louis would be oblivious to it.

I heard a splash and sure enough, Louis had jumped into the pool.

"Hurry up, babe." He whined and disappeared underwater.

I decided against taking off my bra and thong and quickly jumped into the water. It felt amazing. Swimming was something I really loved, as did Louis.

When I came up for air, I looked around for him. Our eyes met and he grinned, and began swimming towards me. When his hands reached my waist, he leaned in and kissed my lips softly.

I kissed back, unsatisfied. I craved so much more than a simple kiss.

"Something wrong?" He asked.

I shook my head and splashed water at him, assuring that everything was fine. I knew he was going to worry about me now. A lot more than I wanted him to.

He laughed and splashed back.

"You're not following the rules, Elizabeth." Louis' grinned and cupped my breasts.

"When you go skinny dipping, you're supposed to be naked."

I laughed and cupped his imaginary boobs.

"Are you?" I questioned and he raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, please." He gently pushed my hands away. "I have some dignity."

I gasped dramatically and slapped his hands away.

"Are you saying I have none, Lou?"

Louis laughed pulled me closer.

"Maybe."

I stared into his deep blue eyes. It was so easy to get distracted by them. Louis had a lot of distracting qualities. Like his stubble. His stubble drove me crazy. If I stared at it too long, I would become overwhelmingly aroused. Another quality that drove me crazy was his biceps. It's like he intentionally worked hard on them, just to ruin my life.

Before getting completely carried away with my thoughts, Louis said my name.

"Louis," I replied.

He grinned and kissed my nose.

"I love you, baby girl."

My heart started beating twice as fast and I couldn't manage to form words. Louis tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and moved his hands up my back.

"I love you too," I finally replied.

Louis' hands began fidgeting with my bra as he planted kisses all over my neck.

"Do you mind?"

I quickly shook my head, and Louis unhooked my bra. To my surprise, he only threw it out of the pool and then acted as if it never happened.

After an hour passed in the pool without anything exciting happening, we decided to head back up to our room. When we finally reached it, all the boys were fast asleep. I headed for my room as Louis made his way to his own.

I grabbed a baggy shirt out of the dresser, along with a thong. I was on my way to the bathroom when I remembered something. My plastic case.

My feet began moving faster, to the point where I was nearly sprinting. I tightened my grip on the towel wrapped around my body, and when I opened the door there were no memories of the night I fell apart. The bathroom was clean, spotless even. But on the counter, right beside the sink, I noticed something.

My fingers trembled as I desperately opened the small plastic case.


End file.
